If pets made New Year’s resolutions

Annabelle20151513 - New Year's

By Phil Snyder, Executive Director of Suncoast Humane Society

Published in the Englewood Sun on December 27, 2015

It is time to make our New Year’s resolutions, so I asked several people what resolutions they thought their pets would make, if they could tell us. The responses were varied. Quite a few thought their dogs would want to be walked more frequently, their cats played with more often, and both wanting to enjoy more quality time with their human companions.

Some pets wanted to lose weight, some wanted to gain weight, and some wanted more exercise time. Several suggestions were offered, on behalf of their pets, that I found to be unique. I think you can tell which species made the following specific resolutions:

  • To stop raiding my feline friend’s litter box for delicacies.
  • To stop kicking litter out of my litter box and all over the bathroom floor.
  • To stop bringing lizards in from the lanai and presenting them as gifts, while Mom is trying to sleep.
  • To stop using the garbage can as my buffet.
  • To stop barking so much and become a couch potato.
  • To stop using the overstuffed chair as my personal nail sharpener.
  • To walk by mom’s open closet door without grabbing one of her shoes.

My favorites are:

  • To behave better so my owner does not drop me off at the humane society.
  • To start doing something wrong, because I am too perfect.

Other resolutions from more not-so-perfect pets were:

  • I will act more interested when forced to watch Animal Planet.
  • I will count to 10 before biting Aunt Mildred for rubbing my tummy juuust a little too long.
  • I will not take the legs out from under Mom and Dad as I race down the hall.
  • I will try chasing the ball, only after it has been thrown.
  • I will try and make friends with the vacuum sweeper.
  • I will also try to like the FedEx and UPS guys when they ring that antagonizing door bell.
  • I will try not to stand next to Mom or Dad after drinking water or flinging a slobber rocket.

I was prepared to add my own dog’s New Year’s resolutions, however last night he ate the list. I seem to always have dogs that love to eat paper things. One dog ate my mother-in-law’s death certificate. Luckily she never found out. The same dog once ate $265 worth of $5 bills that my wife and I were saving. I was able to retrieve $30 of the money, from the yard, over a period of time, until I finally gave up trying. I told the dog that each time he visited the yard, he was worth less money.

Whether you, or your pet, make New Year’s resolutions, or not, one resolution we should all strive for is to be the person your pet thinks you are.

Happy New Year!

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